Dear Doctor ,
I
fear I may be giving birth to a premature and unwanted haemorrhoid.
I would like a painless termination as it's under 24 weeks old and adoption is not a
possibility. Are there any remedies that will achieve this without me
having to resort to terrifying procedures such as freeze drying,
constriction etc. One reads such awful stuff on the internet and my GP is
a woman with triplets who thinks all men are wimps who don’t know the meaning
of pain and should be sterilised at birth. I’m sure she’d take the opportunity
to freeze dry my testicles if she got the chance. As for constriction with
rubber bands, well nobody is going to put the squeeze on my newborn until it just drops off, probably at the Vicars tea party or worse still during the
sermon. I don’t like the idea of these suppositories much either. A mate of
mine tried them and for all the good they did he might as well have shoved them
up his arse. I look forward to your early reply.
Regards Herbert Sorearse
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