Choosing a Care Home

Before choosing a care home consider several points.

Names like St Decrepit,  Peaceful End, Terminal  Mansion, Treasonable Tariffs, Short Outlooks etc can often be disingenuous. Avoid.

If it overlooks a cemetery - avoid.

Scrutinize the Matron and staff. If they are heavily muscled and wearing boots - avoid.

Read the menu. An abundance of fish cakes and an absence of Ferrero Roche is an indicator of food meanness - avoid.

Look for signs of violent struggle - broken crutches, blood stains on the carpet and wheelchairs in the pond, always a bad sign. If evident - avoid
 Ask the local undertaker how many times he has visited in the last year. If more than one per week - Avoid.
Find out what car the owner drives. Anything equivalent to a Merc or better - avoid.

If there's such a thing out there, let me know I'll put my name down.